Lithium
by Olive Malik
Summary: Louis is insane.
1. Chapter 1

Louis smiled to himself and picked up one of the shards of glass. His smile widened as he looked at the sliver of his reflection in it. "Louis," Zayn's voice floated in from the door, it was overly cautious. "What happened?"

"I don't know," Louis giggled and dropped his head into his bent legs. Zayn walked slowly into the room, wary of the glass bits everywhere.

"Alright well I'm going to take you to Liam and, uh, I'll see if Josh can get your room fixed up again okay." The dirty and cold floor was littered with glittering glass. As Zayn stood behind the boy, Louis threw back his head to stare at him with a dopey grin.

"Why? It's nice in here." Zayn attempted to control his facial expression. Louis sighed and stood up, and it's then that Zayn noticed what he was wearing. His attire consisted of a long, tattered, and faded shirt and thankfully a pair of underwear. He didn't even have shoes on.

"Let's go then." Zayn figured saying nothing would be better. Then he turned and had Louis follow him. He was never good at the constant cheer Niall always seemed to have. So Zayn and Louis walked down the dimly lit halls until they reached the door to Liam's office. They were quite a sight for the poor doctor as Zayn had a terrified expression and Louis was happily staring at the ceiling with blood dripping down his left leg.

"Ahem, thank you Nurse Zayn. Why don't you send over Niall and then take your lunch break?" Zayn nodded and quickly left. "Hello Louis, why don't you take a seat?" The chair was a nice arm one, or at least it once had been. Now the stuffing was falling out and the leather had been shredded and picked at. "So what happened this morning, hmm?"

"I was only trying to show him," Louis said quietly, he feared another punishment. He didn't understand why he was in trouble, but when Liam used this tone of voice it meant he'd have to go with Eleanor.

"Show him what?"

"He said I looked pretty today, but I didn't believe him. He told me to go look in the mirror because I was stunning." Louis stops for a minute. "I did but when I went to touch my reflection, it fell over. It was an accident, but Harry said you wouldn't mind. A few hours later he went back to his room and said he'd let Zayn know to send Josh over." Louis lets his eyes flicker up to Liam who has his serious face still in place.

"Sounds like a little slip up then. I'll make sure Josh fixes that, and make sure Harry is okay." Louis brightens at this.

"Could I-" he's interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Come in Niall, it's fine." The door swings open revealing the blonde with a first aid kit tucked under his arm.

"Oy what'd you do to yourself mate?" Niall bent down and had Louis stick out his petite leg.

"Mirror broke, cause Harry's a twat." Niall laughed and began cleaning the cut.

"Makes sense. And how is your boy by the way, he's been skipping lunch and I'm not on rounds anymore. Can't check on the sneaky bastard." Now Niall puts a sticking plaster over it.

"He's good. I hope it's okay he visited me?" Louis worriedly glances at Liam.

"Ah it's fine Louis." The smaller boy smiles and stands up.

"I'm good to go then, yeah? I'm gonna go see how Harry is."

Niall and Liam tell him goodbye and he steps out into the dark hall. He turns left towards Harry's rooms and smiles at Cher when he passes her in the hall.

He peeks past Harry's doorway. "Harry?" Louis scans the seemingly empty room. Just when he's about to leave Harry's head pops out from behind the door with curls flying about.

"Hey Lou," he throws his long arms around the smaller boy. "You look even prettier this morning." Louis laughs and gives a half hearted shove at Harry's chest.

"Oh shut up, quit taking the piss." Harry kisses his forehead and drags him back into the room before shutting the door.

"'M not, I love you." They sit back on the skinny bed and Louis rests his head on Harry's chest near his heart.

"Sometimes I want to be everything for you." They're both silent for a minute, the only sound is both boys' even breaths. Louis continues to listen to the increasing beat of Harry's heart.

"But you're everything I need." Harry gives him a little half-smile.

"No 'm not." Louis doesn't move. "I think I'm gonna sleep now." Harry nods and they both let their eyes close. Needless to say Louis doesn't fall asleep for a while.

Meanwhile in Liam's office...

"What are we supposed to do with him?" Liam's face seems even more stern than usual in the harsh lighting of the lamp on his desk.

"It's not like he's overly violent. Can't we just keep him here? You know the places in America would be worse." Liam considers this.

"I guess you're right, Niall. Keep a close eye on him, I don't want another...incident." They're both quiet for a minute.

"Okay, I'll let everyone know." Niall turned to leave, but before he did he gave Liam's hand a reassuring grab. "It'll be okay. We can deal with him, whoever he is at the moment. I haven't seen his bad side in a long time."

"Which one?" Liam chuckles darkly.

"I'll see you later." Niall leaves Liam alone in his dark and dank office.

In the Gardens

"Leave me alone Nick." Nick Grimshaw smirks and continues to throw blades of grass and leaves into Louis' hair.

"Why should I, Tommo? So you don't have another 'incident'?" His fingers come up to air quote it.

"I said fuck off," Louis hisses from gritted teeth with clenched fists.

"I think I'll stay here. It's more fun now that Harry never feels like playing." Nick's nonchalance gets to the shorter boy because suddenly there's a slow smile spreading across his face. His eyes crinkle up in sick, twisted mirth.

"You know Grimmy I never threw that knife away." Nick's face goes paler than pale instantly. The September winds whip around them.

"You remember?" It's not really a question. Nick's hands are now idle and hanging at his side. Louis begins swinging his legs back and forth from the bench he's sitting on.

"Still can't get the blood out of my favorite pajamas." At this Nick simply runs inside leaving a content Louis to pick dandelions and blow their seeds into the wind. He wishes for people to leave him alone.

The Modest Asylum for the Mentally Insane reads the sign

The entire town pretends it doesn't exist

The year is 1949

It's futile to resist

The patients are slightly off the deep end

The staff ignores the scars and screams

But there is one boy who they can't mend

He's never the same, except around the boy of his dreams

They've tried to electrocute the personalities out

But it doesn't work you see

They have figured without a doubt

That Louis Tomlinson indeed has MPD


	2. Chapter 2

Zayn pokes his head into Liam's office. "You wanted to see me?" Liam nods and smiles kindly. The nurse sits in the musty armchair and looks expectantly at Liam.

"I just wanted to see how you're doing. Are you sure you don't want to be moved to a different patient? You know Louis-"

"No," Zayn interrupts firmly. "As much as I'd like to, especially after the incident. The thing yesterday too, but I can't. He needs me." Liam always manages to look understanding. It's unnerving.

"That's perfectly fine. I'll see you later Zayn." They go to shake hands but then think better of it. Liam awkwardly sits on his hand and Zayn backs out of the office. Then he makes his way back to the kitchen. Maybe Niall can help him sort this mess out.

When Zayn enters the cafeteria to get to the kitchen Niall is making slicing motions across his neck. 'What?' he mouths. He hears it before he sees it.

"Why won't someone just bloody tell him?" Nick Grimshaw is yelling and screaming at all the shy patients picking at their lunches. "Why are we playing along?"

Zayn runs over to him. "Calm down Nick." He continues to cause a commotion so Zayn tries to pull the enraged boy off the table he's standing on but it doesn't work. Josh comes over to help and soon Nick is kicking and screaming as they drag him towards the floor.

"NO! YOU CAN'T KEEP THIS UP. THE LITTLE BASTARD KNOWS WHAT HE DID, HE FUCKING TOLD ME SO. HE'LL KILL ALL OF US NEXT. HEY – LET GO OF ME," Niall is running over with the shot to sedate Nick. The shot is jammed into his arm and he goes slack in Zayn and Josh's hold.

"Everyone just go back to what you were doing," Zayn calls out as Paul hauls Nick back to his room. A boy in the back is making the strangest face so Zayn follows Niall to go see if he's okay.

"Hey Ed, you okay?" Zayn remembers Ed. He's the one that seems sort of, well, dead inside.

"Yeah I'm fine mates, but I agree with Grimshaw. Tell the poor guy before it's too late."

A Hallway

Louis smirked as he twisted the last wire. He didn't flinch when Josh shouted, "What are you doing!"

"The Tommo doesn't take shit from anyone, especially Grimshaw." Josh froze as he watched electrical sparks start flying.

"Louis watch-" and that's when the lights go out. There is silence for the briefest of moments before the chaos erupts. Louis and Josh can hear the other patients screaming and freaking out. After a moment Josh realizes Louis has crouched down on the floor with his head between his knees.

"Fetch Harry please." He sounds on the verge of tears.

"Um okay." Josh sprints off down the hall. Louis waits a few minutes until he hears someone approaching. When he looks up he sees the outline of someone. As his eyes adjust he realizes it's Harry.

"Harry," Louis gasps out and runs into his arms. "I don't like the dark."

"Shh it's okay, let's find some candles and maybe a few blankets." Harry runs a hand over his back soothingly as they wander down different hallways in search of aid. Louis has his face buried in Harry's neck, and he's trying desperately not to whimper in fear. After fruitless attempts they decide to head back to Harry's room because there's blankets there at least.

Once they reach there Harry lays them down and tucks the covers around them both. Louis nuzzles into Harry contentedly. "I'm sorry for messing up the lights."

"Meh that's okay babe. Nothing could change how I feel about you. You're too nice to be mad at."

"Promise?"

"Promise." Harry pulls him up to plant a kiss on his lips. Louis opens his mouth and lets Harry slip his tongue in. "Love you so much," Harry pants.

"I love you so much Harry." Louis snakes a hand down to jerk them both off. Harry groans and arches into the touch.

"Yes. Oh Lou," he gasps and lets his own hand wander under the band of Louis' underwear. Louis emits a breathy moan and they continue jerking each other off until Harry releases first. Then Louis sees white and they happily fall asleep in a mess of their own cum.

The Next Morning

Louis yawns and runs his eyes sleepily. He glances over and is disappointed to find he's the only one in the bed. On the bright side, the heat seems to be working which means they got the electricity to work again.

Louis climbs out of bed slowly and pads across the cold floor to the hall. Maybe Harry's getting some breakfast. He waves hello to Cher in the hall, and she smiles back today. When he reaches the cafeteria there are only a few patients there and unluckily none of them are Harry. Louis cringes when he sees Zayn walking over.

"Hey mate, are you okay? No one could find you last night. Josh said he went back to get you and you were gone."

"Oh Harry came and got me. I slept in his room last night."

"Listen, about that..." Zayn fidgets and avoids his eyes.

"What? Am I not allowed to see him anymore?" People are starting to stare as Louis anxiously raises his voice.

"No. Just, Liam and I need to have a talk with you. We should probably go right now."

"Okay." Louis follows Zayn out the door and to Liam. When he sees the doctor's face he knows he's not the only one dreading this conversation.

"Good morning Louis. I see you made it through last night okay?"

"I'm fine," Louis says with false confidence. Surely Liam wouldn't keep him from Harry?

"You're here this morning, because we need to tell you something. It is about Harry." Louis' gut drops and the panic must flash across his face because Zayn rests a reassuring hand on his arm. Liam waits a beat before continuing on.

"Harry isn't real. He died four months ago." Zayn winces as if bracing himself. Louis raises an eyebrow.

"Is this a joke? What are you talking about?" He laughs forcefully. "I don't understand."

"Four months ago Harry died. Because you killed him," Zayn says quietly. The air is tense.

"What are you saying?" Louis' voice cracks and he's wringing his hands.

"Nick Grimshaw said you remembered it the other day. Can you remember for us, Louis? Just give it a try." Liam looks expectantly at him. Louis starts hyperventilating. The other two watch as he zones out, obviously remembering what they now call 'the Incident'...


	3. Chapter 3

**Four Months Ago**

"Louis, Louis, LOUIS." Harry sighs and gives up on trying to get his boyfriend's attention. Sometimes he wishes Louis was sent here for the same reason he was, for loving boys. But it's so much more than that.

Lately Louis had been slightly on edge. His worse sides not only came out more, but stuck around longer. He would go into jealous rages over Harry's friendship with Nick. He'd throw things and become so angry at anyone for no reason. Harry still loved Louis so much though. It was worth it to him.

"Louis," he attempted once more.

"Yeah?" Louis looks up from his spot on the floor.

"Wanna grab something to eat?"

"Sure," Harry smiles and they walk hand in hand to the cafeteria. They eat and talk about the newest patient, Stan. He's nice enough but Louis doesn't like him. Or so he says. Louis doesn't seem to like anyone anymore.

After dinner they walk back to Harry's room. Louis sits on the bed and swings his legs back and forth. "So I heard you and Nick had lunch today."

"Yeah we didn't talk much," Harry shrugs. He leans against the wall in faked nonchalance. He knows Louis hates Nick.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harry can't tell if Louis is upset or angry. Maybe both. He just hopes this won't blow up.

"Nothing, I love you Louis."

"Why? Why do you love me," Louis demands. His eyebrows are furrowed and his mouth is twisted into a pouty number.

"For lots of reasons. You're smart, you're beautiful, you're great at football, you sing to me." He pauses, "C'mon let me show you how much I love you in the shower." Louis smiles a little and nods.

Harry goes in first and hangs up a towel. He twists the shower on and waits for it to heat up. Then he hops in and waits for Louis. After a few minutes he's worried Louis isn't coming. Harry wets his hair thoroughly and considers singing but he's interrupted.

"You know Harry, I wish you wouldn't see Nick." Louis' voice floats in over the sound of running water. "Can't have you loving anyone else."

"That'd never happen Lou." Harry rubs shampoo into his wet curls. The hot water is soothing. Louis glances at his reflection. He almost doesn't recognize the boy there. It's oddly appeasing. Maybe Harry will love the Louis that's not Louis.

"Oh I know. I just love you so much Harry. So much," he finally mutters, still entranced by his image in the mirror. Harry flinches when the shower curtain is ripped back but it's just Louis climbing in with him. "Let me wash your hair for you babe." Harry grins and turns toward the spray of water. Louis opens the shampoo bottle. Then he closes it. Harry doesn't see the knife Louis raises and he doesn't see the twisted smile on Louis' face as he sinks the knife into his back.

Louis stabs him 20 more times. He watches the blood run down the drain with glee. "Oh Haz, love you so much." Louis sits on the edge of the tub and sings a tune he knows. "I love you so much it hurts me. Darling that's why I'm so blue." Louis continues singing as he drags Harry back to his room. "I want to hold you my dear forever and ever." After a few hours Louis makes it. The moonlight shines through the window onto the boy and his victim. He arranges Harry on the ground and curls up next to him. He falls asleep murmuring, "I love you so much. It hurts me so..."

The next morning Zayn goes to wake Louis up on his morning round because he knows the boy is a late sleeper. When he opens the door the first thing he notices is the smell. Then he sees it. Harry is limp and draped over Louis, who is snoring quietly on the floor. They're both completely naked and dark red blood is pooled around both of them.

So Zayn screams. He stands there and screams like a bloody girl until the staff runs up to him. And then he continues to scream. Liam even runs full sprint down the hall. He's the first to arrive. Liam puts both his hands on Zayn's shoulders and shakes him. "What? What happened? Zayn!" Zayn to this day has never seen Liam so scared.

"In the, in the room," Zayn squeaks. Other staff members are running towards them now. Liam peers in and his face goes white.

"Niall," he says lowly to the boy who just arrived. "I'm going to take Zayn to my office, please make sure this is cleaned up." Then Liam wraps his arms around Zayn's shoulders and helps him away from the situation.

Niall and the rest of the staff peer in to see that the boy has woken up. Louis smiles brightly. "What's the matter with Zayn?" That's all he says.

When they finally clean him up and isolate him in a room he truly goes mad. When Niall is sent to check on Louis he's whistling a tune and rocking back and forth. They keep Louis in total isolation for two weeks. It's not as if they could send him away, no one else would take him. Not even the local prisons.

"I just want him to come back," Louis had said once through laughter and a shrug. Two days later he did. Or at least, in Louis' head he did. The staff and patients played along for fear if they told him the truth Louis would kill again. No one uses that room at the end of the hall. The one that used to be Harry's. The one that has those words carved into it with blood stains surrounding. "I love you so much it hurts me."


	4. Chapter 4

Current Day (Septemper 1949)

Louis sits down at Harry's bed and tucks his knees to his chin. For the next few hours he stares at what he carved into the wall. He remembers listening to that record with Harry, and they had slow danced to it. Harry had leaned down to sing the words softly in his ear as they swayed back and forth. That was the first time Louis had ever truly felt loved. He absentmindedly hummed the very song as he went over to the pile of Harry's belongings. There was a shirt or two and a candle. As well as the one book Harry was allowed to keep. Louis decided to flip through the pages to see if it smelled like his boy. Instead he found a note in the front. It read 'love ya darling' with a smiley face. Oh. Louis didn't like this. He didn't like this at all.

In Liam's Office

Zayn sat on Liam's desk and waited. He'd stay here all night if he had too. Zayn had been contemplating recently the events during the incident and had decided he'd confront Liam. Suddenly the doorknob twisted and Zayn straightened up. "Liam," said boy glanced up, startled, "We need to talk."

"What is it Zayn?" Zayn slides off the desk and walks over to Liam. He shuts the door.

"You can't keep avoiding me." They're both panting. Zayn's face is inches from Liam's.

"I'm not," Liam swallows slowly. He's practically sweating.

"Yes, you are. I want to know why, because I know why you took this job and you know why I'm here as well. Tell me Liam, am I wasting my time?" And then Liam grabs his uniform and kisses him hard. Zayn steps back with the force of it and hits the desk. He slowly leans back and brings Liam with him until they're heatedly making out on the desk. More like eating each others' faces actually. Liam has his tongue down Zayn's throat and oh is it delicious. A man doesn't get much action working here. None actually. Zayn wraps his arms around Liam's neck and tugs on his hair. In turn Liam moans and grinds down on the boy beneath him.

Zayn pushes a little on his chest. "Wait, we should stop," Zayn manages through pants as Liam continues to kiss down his neck.

"Mm why."

"I have the next shift with Niall. He'll -oh, ungh- come looking." The doctor reluctantly pulls away and tugs at his shirt.

"Ahem ok. I'll see you later I'm assuming?"

"You bet doctor," Zayn says in a sultry tone and straightens out his uniform. "Bye now," he winks over his shoulder and exits, leaving the door open.

"Uh, um, good talk Zayn!" Liam calls out in an attempt at normalcy. Zayn only chuckles at his awkwardness and sways his hips all the way to the station where Niall is waiting for him.

The next day, in the Hall

"Hey mate," Louis called out at Nick Grimshaw. The boy startled and whipped his head around.

"You talkin to me?" The younger shook his head yes and stepped closer.

Louis giggled. Like a little schoolgirl in fact. "Nick Grimshaw I'd like to apologize." The older boy practically did a double take.

"Pardon?" Nick's eyes were slightly bugged out.

"Eleanor and I spent some... quality time. I'm feeling so much better," Louis laughs a bit as if he is so relieved.

"Alright then. You're acting a little creepy don't you think mate?" Nick lets his shoulders fall back and relax. Louis doesn't seem as angry at him or murdery.

"Oh I'm perfectly fine. In fact why don't you come with me to say hi to Eleanor?" Nick shrugs.

"Sure, why not?" The two boys make their way to the room. It's dark, what part of this place isn't, and there's some sort of water contraption in the center of the room. Nick feels uncomfortable.

"What's this?" Louis gives a little half smile.

"It helps me relax when I'm having trouble. Would you like to try?" Nick himself had never been sent to Eleanor, but surely he could use some relaxation. He would accept the olive branch Louis was handing him.

"Okay mate. I'll give it a go. Are you sure it's okay without Eleanor here?"

"Oh it's fine, she loves me." Louis had him strip to his underwear and lay in the inch or so of water. Louis put on gloves and moved two clamps onto Nick's legs - one each. Nick noted they were rather cold.

"Alright now I need you to be completely relaxed, Nick. Ready?" Nick nodded and tried to keep his breathing slow and controlled. His hearing was sort of off with the water lapping at his ears. Louis smiled widely and his eyes crinkled up. He moved a switch and watched as the electricity shot up and into Nick's body.

"AAAAAH," Nick screamed and screamed until the voltage stopped flowing. "What the hell Tomlinson," he spluttered and thrashed about at his restrains.

"You took him away from me." Then Louis cranks up the voltage and pulls back the switch. And he leaves it there.

Louis whistles over his victims screams and takes off his gloves. Then he mops up the spilled water pn the floor. Louis gives an over the top salute to the struggling Nick and pushes past the door. He continues whistling all the way to the cafeteria. "You seem happy mate," Niall mentions with a bright face.

"Couldn't be better actually," Louis grins and picks up a lunch tray.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry Styles was an anomaly at the asylum; always kind to everyone, sweeter than a cupcake, and more naive than most after the war. Louis was a special case as well; different everyday, a new person around seperate people, violently emotional. It wasn't a surprise to the patients and the staff when they were immediately all over each other. What was a surprise, however, was that they fell in love hard and fast. Not that two boys or two girls in love was uncommon at the asylum, quite the opposite. The unexpected aspect of the matter was that everyone thought Louis wasn't capable of love. Not in a mean way, but in a truthful way.

But in the end it didn't matter because Louis felt things stronger than most did. He felt them straight down to the heart in a way people never experience in their lifetime. A blessing and a curse all in one that had effects the residents of Modest Asylum never dreamed of.

In the Hall by Liam's Office

Zayn slumps against the wall in exhaustion. This job was...a challenge. Despite the rules he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his uniform pocket. A quick smoke was what he needed right now, more than anything. "Mind if I bum one?" Zayn tilts his head back to gaze up at Louis.

"Share this one with me mate. Don't know when I'll be able to snag more." Louis slides down next to him.

"Need a match?" Zayn should probably be worried that Louis easily produces a match from his pocket. Maybe he'll find it in himself to give a shit later. Zayn holds the cig out with steady fingers as Louis lights it. The fire is almost soothing. The wisps of smoke even more so. Zayn lets familiarity take over as he positions the stick between his fingers and then brings it in for a puff.

"Mm," he sighs. Louis lazily accepts it. A moment of silence passes. Then he speaks.

"I really loved him you know. He was the only one that made me feel like I was worth something." Louis inhales slow and controlled. A way to ground himself. "Harry, he knew what to say, how to say it. He accepted me for what I was - who I still am - even though he was normal. God, _normal_," Louis chuckles and shakes his head. "What would I ever know about that?"

"Louis," Zayn sighs, not quite sympathetically, but as close as he'll ever be. He goes to pat the other's leg but Louis flinches away, opting to bring the cigarette to his lips for a long drag.

"I always wondered if I was good enough for him," Louis passes the cigarette to Zayn. "But underneath I knew I wasn't. Not with bloody Grimshaw in the picture." Zayn winces at the pure hatred seeping from Louis' voice. "Pass it back," he rasps. Zayn hands the cigarette back.

"Harry and you were in love though. What I mean is, he loved you so much mate. Never stopped talking about you. In fact I usually had to tell him to shut the hell up." They both laugh. When it dies out Zayn wishes he'd kept his mouth shut.

"Damnit Zayn," breathless, the nurse notes, "You can't just say shit like that." He tries to play it off as cool, but his voice cracks with emotion.

"It's true and you know it. Harry loved you with all his heart."

"I loved him with as much of me as I could. It just wasn't enough," Louis stares sullenly at the floor and no he isn't bitter. Not one bit.

Two Weeks Later

Louis was unsure whether to laugh or cry at his fortune. Eleanor had apparently not only cleaned up his mess, but said nothing of it. He was most certainly leaning toward happiness. Ecstatic even. He was feeling good enough to be Louise today.

After breakfast the boy journeyed to Cher's room. He knocked three times and then rocked back on his feet in nervous anticipation. The door opened up a crack, "Hello?"

"Hi." Louis was beaming. "I was wondering if you would help me."

"With what?" She's cautious but the door opens a little more. Progress.

"I want to feel pretty."

One Hour Later

Louis spins around in the bright pink dress happily. He giggles at the little swish it makes as he walks. "Do you have makeup?" Cher's gaze flickers back up at him.

"A little, but-"

"Yay!" Louis claps his hands excitedly. She pulls out a small bag and unzips it. Then she pats the chair across from her. Louis daintily takes a seat, but squirms in anticipation. "Thanks so much for doing this, darling." Cher nods silently.

"Hold still." She begins applying blush, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick. They're hard to come by but Louis knew Cher would come through for him. When she's finished she lets Louis twist and shake in front of her full length mirror.

"Thank you so much!" He hugs her. Cher stiffens slightly but gives his back a pat. "I'm gorgeous," Louis sounds in awe as he waggles his fingers to see if it's really him. He even pokes the mirror. After a second the smile slowly slides off his face. "Can you drag that chair over here, please." Cher cocks her head but nevertheless does as asked.

"You okay?" Louis sinks back into it with his arms limp. Cher pulls her chair over by him.

"I'm fine," Louis chokes out but his eyes are welling up with tears. "I'm just so pretty." He's full on sobbing now. "I haven't felt this nice about myself since Harry brought me flowers."

"And when did he do that?" Her voice is soft and kind. A type of mellow that is rare.

"In April, they'd just come up you know. They were pink and bright and alive. In fact they were pink like this pretty, pretty dress." Louis sobs and pets the part of the dress that lays over his thighs. "I miss him so much," Louis wails and clutches at his stomach. He's beginning to hyperventilate loudly and Cher doesn't know what to do. He clutches at his heart and whines.

"Shh it's alright, it's okay." Cher wraps an arm around his shoulders and squeezes. She lets him rest his head on her shoulder. "See you are beautiful. My mom always said makeup doesn't make a girl beautiful it just enhances what she's already got." Louis gives their reflection a wet smile.

"You're so nice. Thank you." Louis is meek and sniffly in his fluffy pink dress and running makeup.

"No problem."

Liam's office

"Damnit." Liam groaned and let his face fall to his desk. Why was this so hard? "Do I tell him? Do I not tell him?" His mouth is muffled by the desk.

"Hell if I know," Niall shrugs but Liam can't see. "Just put on a record and think it through. Have a smoke and a wank. A scotch on the side. As long as you deal with it." Liam lifts his head and scrunches up his nose.

"Um okay. Thank you for your... advice."

"You're welcome mate." Niall smiles blindingly and salutes him goodbye.

Liam rubbed at his eyes tiredly. "Oh god what have I gotten myself into."


	6. Chapter 6

**Monday morning brings a catastrophe like no other. It starts in the cafeteria.**

"Good morning everyone," Liam starts out. There's a wave of hushed whispers and frenzied murmurs. Liam is never in the cafeteria. Ever. "I'd like to start out with saying," he stops for a minute to nervously swallow and dampen his lips. "I wanted to say that I'll be moving hospitals."

"What?" It's out before Zayn can stop it. Oops.

"They offered me a spot at the local hospital. They need more doctors so..." Liam trails off. He's speaking more to Zayn than the patients huddled together in gossip circles. He speaks louder suddenly, ignoring Zayn purposefully with his next sentence. "They also allowed me to bring one nurse with me, as they are desperate for more staff all around." Zayn's stomach unclenches. Now he feels silly for being angry. What was he thinking? Irrationality suited him worse than it did the patients here. "I'm bringing Niall."

Zayn flinches as if burned. What the fuck? He wants to say. How dare you? He wants to scream. Instead he ends up glaring at Liam with the most hate he can muster and quietly walking out.

In the hall Zayn clutches at his hair and takes deep breaths to keep the stinging tears back. Then he slumps to the ground and lights a cigarette and smokes it until his brain is only fuzz.

Later That Night

Louis is furious with Liam. Words cannot describe the seething rage coursing through his veins. Zayn didn't deserve this. No one deserves it, but especially Zayn. So he stalks down to Liam's office to give him a piece of his mind and a shall we say _gentle suggestion_ that he invite Zayn instead. If he wasn't getting out of here than Zayn sure as hell was.

The cool air rushes past his ears as he storms down the hall. Louis skips knocking and throws the door open. His jaw slackens. He backs away with face white and fists clenched. He pivots to run but then there is Zayn and oh the sick is coming up his throat. Louis stumbles to the corner and wretches his stomach's contents. When he straightens up Zayn is gone.

Louis stumbles down the hall with his arm wrapped around his aching tummy. Thankfully he passes no one at this late hour. Once he reaches Harry's dorm he runs to the corner and falls to his knees on the cold floor. Moonlight shines through the barred window as he reaches a petite hand under the bed. Louis smirks when his slim fingers wrap around it. Perfect.

Louis scrambles up and his hand flies to his head as black spots invade his vision. He glances at the words on the wall. For that split second he stops. And then he sprints down the hall. Louis swipes the fringe out of his eyes and slows down. He presses his ear to the door of Liam's office.

"Liam, mate, we shouldn't have done this." Louis scowls.

"Don't say that, c'mon aren't you happy? I thought you'd like the decision I made. Besides, it's better for everyone involved."

"Everyone involved? That's a lie. At first I thought we could pull it off but-" Louis decides he's bored of listening. So he kicks open the door and fires five shots. He manages to hit the targets okay.

Louis grins at the blood seeping onto the floor. "Serves you bastards right." He crouches down and savors the vacant look in Niall's eye and the matching one in Liam's. "Thank god I had Nick do me that favor," he smiles and runs his thumb along the side of the gun. Then Louis tosses it into the corner and walks out.

"Zayn!" Louis carelessly shouts down the hall. It's not as if the doctor can reprimand him now. When he reaches Zayn's quarters he slips in quietly. "I think there's something you should see." Louis watches Zayn's silhouette patiently as the nurse climbs out of bed. He starts back the way he came expecting Zayn will follow.

"What are you doing?" Zayn hisses as he follows Louis blindly. Then they reach Liam's office. Louis raises an eyebrow and motions for Zayn to look inside. Zayn pokes the door and it creaks open slowly.

When he sees it he doesn't know what to do. His mouth opens in a silent scream. "Go," Louis whispers. "Take the job and don't ever look back."


	7. Chapter 7

Louis lies on the floor, spread out like a star. He smiles sleepily at the ceiling as the song "I Love You So Much (It Hurts Me)" plays on a record in the corner. Broken glass is spread out around him, scattered all over the floor. He'd broken quite a few things in his search for Harry. Once Zayn had left Louis had felt incredibly lonely. So he started looking for Harry, desperate to find him. There was only so long he could tolerate not having his boy around. As it was still early in the morning, none of the patients were up yet. So it was just Louis and his thoughts and the record in the corner. Louis inspected the blood on his hands and then lifted his bare toes and wiggled them. When he had taken the record player from Liam's office there had been no real way to avoid stepping in the still wet blood. The pungent smewas was almost...normal. Hmm.

Suddenly Louis jolts up at the sound of rustling. He twists his torso to see who's there. "Harry! I knew you'd come for me," he shrieks happily. Louis hops over a few wrecked things to wrap his arms around the taller boy. "I missed you so much," he smiles happily.

"I missed you too babe. Whatever did you do without me?" Harry's green eyes shine brightly down at Louis.

"Not much," Louis pecks him on the lips. "Remember this song?"

"Of course I do darling. Did you steal it from Liam's office again?" They laughed together.

"Mmhmm. He won't miss it that much."

"I suppose not. I'm kinda hungry. Wanna grab a bite?" Louis nods and wraps an arm around Harry's hips.

"Let's do it. I love you cupcake."

"Love you too sugar muffin."

In the cafeteria Harry makes them both sandwiches because Louis can't cook at all. "Thanks baby," Louis wraps his hands around Harry's neck. They sway and Harry starts to sing their song again.

"I love you so much..." Louis rests his head in the crook of Harry's neck.

"It hurts me," the smaller joins in. They duet for a while, until Louis is content to listen to Harry finish the last chorus. When Harry is done he smiles and pulls another match from his pocket. He strikes it up and lights it, taking a moment to watch the flame dance.

"Didn't know you smoked," Harry says into his hair.

"Haven't in a while, you know how Liam is about patients and matches." Harry grins.

"Lou you shouldn't break the rules."

"Don't I know it," Louis sighs and tosses the match down. Flames are beginning to lick at the walls and Louis pushes back from Harry. He plants one last passionate kiss on his lips and leaves through the front door.

Louis strolls out of the smoking building slowly. He wipes his bloody hands on his pants and turns back to look at the rotted building once more. "It's better this way," he shouts although he doubts the screaming and panicking patients can hear him. "You were never gonna get out of there anyway." Louis licks the remaining mixture of food crumbs and dried blood off his hands. "MPD my ass. Bunch of fucking idiots," he snorts. Then he continues on his way.


End file.
